Who am I?

Keep on telling myself, everything will be fine soon…
Really hope so it will. Only hope that can make me stand up again…maybe not all the time, but at least some of the time when I need strength to make myself be strong again, internally…

That day I went to temple and prayed. 2 wishes just come across my mind and I just made that wishes..1st, I hope my family be healthy always and happy as well; 2nd, I hope that everything will turn good and smooth again.

My 2nd wish really came true the next day where we just “berdamai” like usual, and that night I really feel happy enough. Somehow, it is not for long…haiz, dun no why. Good thing just happen in an unexpected way and just stopped with reason that I don’t even know. Really wanna to know why does this happen, but not dare to ask…

Everyone advise me not to think too much, but the curiosity within myself just can’t stop asking question..Why am I have to face this kind of problem?...Why there can’t be any confession between us? We just used to hide the feeling or maybe just tell somebody else but not the party. Would it be good if we just confront each other and speak it out the feeling we are having now, no matter what feeling is that. At least we can know each other better, knowing what the thought we are having now and we can just indulge each other…

Somehow, I am not a good presenter and I can’t really express my true feeling, my thought in front of everyone through words. And write it down would be the only way for me to express my feeling that I am having. Believe it or not, it is true…

Am I wearing a mask all this time? Beneath the mask, what is the true character that I am having? Why there are so much different between the one before and now? Does it matter if I have my own feeling and opinion? Does the one who used to be a quiet girl that only can be accepted? I really don’t understand…I love the song “reflection”, sang by Christina Aguilera. The lyrics somehow a bit reflecting myself.

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that I’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

P/S:
倒底自己的背后还需背着多少的不爽
倒底自己的坚强还能撑到几时？